College Dorms :: essays research papers

College Dorms Message: The inventor of dormitories...let's find him, make him pay for the travesties he's visited on America's youth, and force him to listen to Matchbox 20. Can't you see him designing these hellish stacks of humanity many years ago? From the sidewalk he raised his hands triumphantly and said, "It shall be like the projects with less violence and more marijuana!" He then took lumber and Elmer's Paste, as it is often called, to create these pet carrier sized rooms that we live in. You wanna know why people from the projects hardly ever go to college? It's because they don't want to leave their lush surroundings. The actual term dormitory is of course derived from the Latin term for sleep, which is appropriate because that is all you have space to do. You have to do it standing up in the bathroom sink but it can be done. The luckier students have space to scratch their assses but the windows have to be open and their roommates have to be gone for the weekend. When you go home the closets even feel like a gymnasium, and you can romp around in the bathroom like a horny antelope. I can't imagine the kids who brought everything they own to the dorm. I brought like a condom and a sock. Next semester I hope to have a towel and the other sock. I also need a new condom. Forget having space to sleep. Who sleeps anyway? Nobody on my campus. I think it's a rule. This one kid tried but no one knows what happened to him. Let's just say his floor mates never saw him awake again. I feel like I'm a member of the national insomnia coalition. 0ur agenda involves a lot of Frappaccino and staring at the test pat tern on TV. It's like this strange pseudo-vampire lifestyle. Did you know that if you stay up late enough they play the Tonight Show over again and it still isn't funny? No sleep really fucks with your eating habits too. Every night at 2 in the morning you get as hungry as a Bosnian and you have to go to the vending machine to watch the one bagel spin in the carousel of salmonella. People have White Zombie playing until 5 AM, which to me really encompasses my mood at 5 AM. I could be listening to Kenny G and it would seem hardcore at 5 in the morning.